


eat the rich | ymir

by it_wasntme



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Childhood Friends, Cults, Depression, F/F, Fictional Religion & Theology, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Manga & Anime, References to Depression, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28723944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/it_wasntme/pseuds/it_wasntme
Summary: "𝙞'𝙡𝙡 𝙙𝙞𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙞 𝙖𝙘𝙘𝙚𝙥𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙣𝙚."⊶⊶⊶✞⊷⊷⊷Ymir x Fem!ReaderYou're a Subject of Ymir, a member of the extremist cult that worships the goddess it's named after.It's odd, as you're not even Eldian, but your parents say it's insurance for when Ymir comes."She'll flatten the world with her Titans and we'll be exempt. Her bottomless mercy and grace for those who praise her will save us,"You're 8 when you meet her, the goddess. They said each of her freckles symbolized a holy deed that she had committed. You think she's just like you. A girl who's fate was decided by the selfish, ignorant hearts of those who needed a savior.⊶⊶⊶✞⊷⊷⊷OR:⊶⊶⊶✞⊷⊷⊷In which you find out that your goddess isn't even a goddess. Just an angsty teen who's just as gay as you are.*aot and all it's characters belong to isayama hajime, i only own the plot and ocs*
Relationships: Minor/Background Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Porco Galliard & Reader, Ymir (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader
Kudos: 42





	1. -preview-

"please, i'm begging you! i'll do anything but this! for us, i'll do anything for us!" your voice is hoarse, tears slipping out of your eyes. you walk closer, effectively trapping her between your body and the wall behind her.

you point a finger in her face, hurt and left with a broken heart. "you said you _loved_ me! s-so why?"

ymir tries not to let let out a sob when she hears the crack in your voice. her voice is calm, contradicting the tears in her eyes. "i...i do love you. can't you see that my love is why i'm making you do this?"

you lean closer to her and rest your face against her shoulder. tears wetting it, giving her skin a sickly sheen in the moonlight. you stand there, hiccupping and letting out choked sobs. ymir shivers upon feeling small gusts of wind dry your tears, chilling her to the bone.

this was so, so, so terribly, so horrendously wrong. you were crying and it because of _her._ her one job was to bring you comfort, peace of mind. and yet here you stood, sniffling and shivering in the cold because of what she had told you to do.

once you've cried yourself dry, you stand straight up, making eye contact with ymir. you give her a shaky smile, because for ymir, you'd go through hell and back and still smile if it was what she had asked of you.

"when then? when do you want me to leave?"

\---

in which you fall in love with the girl that your cult worships  
  


coming soon: january 12, 2021

\---

warnings: strong language, mention and depictions of drug/alcohol abuse, mention and depiction of attempted suicide, mention and depiction of depressive states, canon-typical violence

\---

lowercase intended


	2. playlist

ᴋᴇʏ: -𝔰𝔬𝔫𝔤 * 𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔦𝔰𝔱

ᴄʜ 𝟷-𝟸

-ʟᴜᴄʏ * sᴛɪʟʟ ᴡᴏᴏᴢʏ

-ғʟᴜᴏʀᴇsᴄᴇɴᴛ ᴀᴅᴏʟᴇsᴄᴇɴᴛ * ᴀʀᴛɪᴄ ᴍᴏɴᴋᴇʏs

-ᴡɪᴘᴇᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ! * ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏᴜʀʜᴏᴏᴅ

-ᴍᴀʀʟʙᴏʀᴏ ɴɪɢʜᴛs * ʟᴏɴᴇʟʏ ɢᴏᴅ

ᴄʜ 𝟹

-ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ 𝟹ᴀᴍ * ᴀᴅᴜʟᴛ ᴍᴏᴍ

-ᴄʜᴀɴᴅᴇʟɪᴇʀ * ᴡɪʟʟ ᴘᴀǫᴜɪɴ

-ғʀᴇᴀᴋɪɴ' ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴᴛᴇʀsᴛᴀᴛᴇ * ʙʀɪsᴛᴏɴ ᴍᴀʀᴏɴᴇʏ

ᴄʜ 𝟺-𝟼

-ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ * ᴊᴏʏ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ

-ᴊᴇɴɴʏ * sᴛᴜᴅɪᴏ ᴋɪʟʟᴇʀs

-ɪ ᴍᴇᴛ sᴀʀᴀʜ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀᴛʜʀᴏᴏᴍ * ᴀᴡғᴜʟᴛᴜɴᴇ

-ɪ ᴡᴀɴɴᴀ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ɢɪʀʟғʀɪᴇɴᴅ * ɢɪʀʟ ɪɴ ʀᴇᴅ

-ᴋɴᴇᴇ sᴏᴄᴋs * ᴀʀᴄᴛɪᴄ ᴍᴏɴᴋᴇʏs

-ᴡᴇ ғᴇʟʟ ɪɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ɪɴ ᴏᴄᴛᴏʙᴇʀ * ɢɪʀʟ ɪɴ ʀᴇᴅ

ᴄʜ 𝟽

-ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ғᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ * ᴄᴜʟᴛs

-ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋ ᴀɢᴇ * ᴍɢᴍᴛ

-ɪᴄɪᴄʟᴇs * ᴛʜᴇ sᴄᴀʀʏ ᴊᴏᴋᴇs

ᴄʜ 𝟾

-ᴅᴇᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ * ᴋᴀʟɪ ᴜᴄʜɪs

-ᴍᴇssɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅ * sᴍᴏᴏᴛʜʙᴏɪ ᴇᴢʀᴀ

-sʜᴜᴛ ᴜᴘ ᴍʏ ᴍᴏᴍs ᴄᴀʟʟɪɴɢ * ʜᴏᴛᴇʟ ᴜɢʟʏ

-ᴀᴘᴏᴄᴀʟʏᴘsᴇ * ᴄɪɢᴀʀᴇᴛᴛᴇs ᴀғᴛᴇʀ sᴇx

ᴄʜ 𝟿

-ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛʏ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ғᴇᴀʀs * 𝟼ʟᴀᴄᴋ

-ᴡʜɪᴛᴇ ғᴇʀʀᴀʀɪ * ғʀᴀɴᴋ ᴏᴄᴇᴀɴ

-ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ɪ ʙʟᴇᴇᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ * ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴇᴇᴋɴᴅ

-ᴡɪʀᴇs * ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏᴜʀʜᴏᴏᴅ

ᴄʜ 𝟷𝟶-𝟷𝟷

-sʜᴀᴍᴘᴏᴏ ʙᴏᴛᴛʟᴇs * ᴘᴇᴀᴄʜ ᴘɪᴛ

-ᴅᴇᴀᴅ ɪɴsɪᴅᴇ * ʏᴏᴜɴɢᴇʀ ʜᴜɴɢᴇʀ

-ᴛᴏᴏ ʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ ɢᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ * ᴄᴀɢᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʟᴇᴘʜᴀɴᴛ

ғɪɴ.

-ɢʀᴇᴇᴛɪɴɢs ғʀᴏᴍ ᴄᴀʟɪғᴏᴜʀɴɪᴀ * ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏᴜʀʜᴏᴏᴅ

-ᴛᴇssᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴ * ᴍɪʟᴅ ʜɪɢʜ ᴄʟᴜʙ

-ᴀᴍᴇʀɪᴄᴀɴ ᴍᴏɴᴇʏ * ʙøʀɴs

-ᴀғʀᴀɪᴅ * ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏᴜʀʜᴏᴏᴅ

ʏᴍɪʀ

-ᴛʜᴇ ʜɪʟʟs * ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴇᴇᴋɴᴅ

-ʀ.ɪ.ᴘ. 𝟸 ᴍʏ ʏᴏᴜᴛʜ * ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏᴜʀʜᴏᴏᴅ

-ʙᴀʙʏ ɪᴍ ʏᴏᴜʀs * ᴀʀᴄᴛɪᴄ ᴍᴏɴᴋᴇʏs

-ʙʟɪɴᴅɪɴɢ ʟɪɢʜᴛs * ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴇᴇᴋɴᴅ

ɪ ʀᴇᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴅ sᴘᴏᴛɪғʏ (ᴜɴʟᴇss ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴍɪᴜᴍ) ғᴏʀ ᴅᴇsᴋᴛᴏᴘ ᴜsᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ sᴏᴜɴᴅᴄʟᴏᴜᴅ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴏʙɪʟᴇ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴀʏ ɪᴛ ᴘʟᴀʏs ɪɴ ᴏʀᴅᴇʀ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/user-218998732/sets/eat-the-rich-ymir
> 
> spotify - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7DBHRxrchwmHaJZKNdIu8s?si=W4lmFBDNQ6iQv5xNG_7OyQ


	3. i

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im glad to have this posted! i know i said i'd have my eren one updated last friday and it's already tuesday but...nvm i dont have an excuse. im honestly projecting my hatred/discomfort of confrontation into my writing, so im writing every chapter except for the one part that needs to be written, so sorry about that-

8

\---

_spring_

you rub her back as she goes through another coughing fit, watching as her body starts to shake. she does the same for you when you can't stop sneezing, tears and snot running down your face. 

your mother tuts at the two of you, acting as if it's your fault that you had gotten sick. "i told you two not to play in the rain and what did you do?" she hands you a tissue so you can wipe your face.

ymir rolls her eyes and the two speak in unison. "...we played in the rain," ymir starts coughing again and you hand her a handkerchief that your mother left on the bedside table next to you.

you and ymir were in the same bed, stuck with the same cold. ymir had gotten it first, starting to feel light-headed and nauseous and eventually passing out. your nose was congested and whenever you would see light, the space between your eyes would get so tight you thought your head was going to explode. 

eventually your father had decided that you both were sick (who would've thought?) and put the two of you on bedrest. your mother had come in to bring you lunch, a _hearty_ meal of water and crackers. ymir would give you her broken crackers, apparently they weren't good enough for a goddess.

by now, it had been a couple hours since lunch and your mother had left you and ymir alone to try and get some rest. you were dozing off but having trouble staying asleep due to your stuffy nose. 

ymir's voice is quiet, but it's definitely there. "...hey, are you awake?" you're not used to hearing her whisper and that unfamiliarity is only heightened with how raspy her voice is.

you give her a small nod before she keeps whispering. "i think we're going to die," you feel your eyes widen and you sit up, looking at ymir. she continues, "i mean, look at us. your eyes feel like they're going to explode and my brain feels windy. those sound like things that happen before you die,"

you almost laugh and ymir scowls at you. "why are you laughing? do you _want_ to die or something?"

you laugh this time, unable to hold it in. "you won't die, you're just sick. is this your first time having a cold?"

ymir attempts to answer, but she can't before she starts coughing again. you rub her back and she tries to swat your hands away. once she's done coughing, she downs her glass of water and wipes the edge of her mouth.

"well, i'm just saying. i don't want to die," ymir finally says. you decide that this _is_ her first time being sick, due to her irrelevant answer.

you look at her pale face and grab one of her hands. "well if we die, at least we'll die together right?"

ymir gives you small grin before nodding. "yeah, together. i don't think there's anyone else i'd rather cough my lungs up with."

_\---_

_summer_

_'it's hot out...i'll wear shorts instead of my skirt,'_ you dig through your bag and find a yellow pair, throwing them over your swimsuit bottoms. you dig a little more, eventually finding a white shirt and putting that on too.

you leave your tent and walk to the lake. the water sparkles, hurting your eyes and making you squint. you shield your eyes with your hand, surveying the land in front of you for your friend. 

you don't see her, so you wander over to an old dock. scared that it'll collapse if you dawdle, you speed up so that you're seated at the edge.

the water is cool, a welcome savior from the sticky heat that the sun is giving off. you wipe your forehead and lean down, sticking your hands into the lake, cooling them off too.

you've been waiting for almost half an hour before you leave the lake. _'where is sh_ _e? she's never been this late_ _,'_

you get up from your comfortable spot on the dock, already feeling your feet start to ache. it's not a far walk, but you're starting to wish that you had worn sandals. stepping on the sand path, you can feel small pebbles and rock getting stuck to the bottom of your feet, burning and poking them.

picking up the pace, you start to jog. as you arrive at the building, you don't hear any speaking, just small huffs and pants coming from inside. you peek your head in through one of the open windows and see ymir. she's hanging upside down from a metal pull up bar, trying to hold her breath while doing so. you don't even try to think of where she got the bar from, it was better not to ask.

upon seeing that she was alone, you walk in with a frown on your face. you cross you arms and stand in front of her, the two of you almost touching noses. "why didn't you show up? if they knew that you were alone, we both would've gotten in trouble,"

ymir sighs and tries to swing down with great failure. you grab her by her shoulders and start to pull her until her legs slip off the pole.

she stands up, brushing off her dress. "they're making me write prayers," she starts to walk away, leading you out of the temple. "i read having blood rush to your brain helps with ideas, so i tried it." she shrugs as though it's common.

"well you should've told me before hand. it's too hot for you to be working," you grab ymir's hand and lead her to the edge of the lake. her feet leave prints on the shore, and you can't tell where the sand ends and where her freckles begin.

you look at her from the corner of your eyes. her gaze is focused on the water and you can see a look of something deeper than sadness in her eyes. "i don't think i like being a goddess. they don't get vacation days," she finally says. you can tell she wanted her words to sound light-hearted, but her tone of voice gave her away

"if you hate it so much, why do you stay?" you inquire. "if you're a goddess you could just leave and do what you want,"

ymir looks down, trying to think. she wiggles her toes a bit more, displacing more sand and pushing up small shells. "if i did, who'd be your friend?" she looks up at you, a smile on her face. "besides, then i'd be by myself. alone,"

you smile. "are you stupid? i go everywhere with you," you walk into the lake, feeling the cold water pool around your ankles. you look back at ymir, holding your hand out for her to grab.

"as long as i'm around, you'll never be alone."

\---

_fall_

"i dare you...like three times more! come on, eat it!" her hands are covered in mud, dirt caked under her fingernails. pinched between her fingers is a worm, swaying in the wind. you gag, not even wanting to think about what she just said.

an elder walks past, smiling at the two of you. ymir suddenly slaps both her hands behind her back, hiding the mess that she had made, worm still in hand. the elder leans down, pinching both you and ymir's cheeks. 

"lady ymir, are you enjoying the company of your aide?" the elder's voice is saccharine sweet, nearly giving you a cavity just from hearing it. 

ymir nods, leaning into you. at first you think it's a sign of endearment, but you realize that she's dropped the worm and is wiping the dirt off of her hands and onto the back of your shirt. "of course! she's the best i've had so far!" you ignore the fact not only are you ymir's _first_ 'aide', you're just a glorified play mate.

the elder speaks again, this time focusing her gaze on you. you feel a chill run through your spine, starting behind your eyes and shoot straight down your back. "well, if there are any problems, feel free to let me know. alright?" 

ymir gives her a wide smile and cheeky nod. the elder gives her a small smile back before walking away. ymir turns towards you, an apologetic look on her face.

"sorry about your shirt...if she wanted a blessing, we both would've gotten in trouble." she grabs your shoulders and turns you around so that she can see your back side. she starts to brush that caked on mud off and you can hear it falling onto the dirt next to your feet. you're guessing that she's only made it worse as her hands still had mud on them even after she had wiped them on your shirt the first time.

she gives you one last brush before turning you back around and giving you a slap on the shoulder. her smile is wide and you can see a mischievous glint in her eyes. "now that the hag is gone, where'd that worm go?"

your eyes widen as ymir gets on her hands and knees, dirtying her dress. you try to pick her up by her arms but to no avail. ymir swats your hands away, still crawling around in search of her abandoned worm.

she gasps and starts yelling. "no! my worm, he's...he's gone! those ants, they're carrying him away!" she lets out horrified shrieks as she jumps up and runs behind you. you look at where she's pointing, ultimately failing.

purely to amuse her, you pretend that you see her worm and the ants. "woah! ymir, what do we do?" she doesn't answer, still shrieking in terror. you pat her back, trying to calm her down so that the elder doesn't come back and yell at you.

"i'll...i'll curse them! they'll never get my blessing, never ever!" she grabs onto you and pushes you forward. "b-but first! they- they might need an offering so we can have peace," ymir starts to push you closer and closer to where she believed the mob of ants were.

"here! take her, but please! please leave wormison alone!" you're shocked, not only that ymir would sacrifice you so easily, but that she had already named the worm. _'wormison? what kinda name is that?'_

you start to push back, leaning backwards to cancel out ymir's actions. she scoffs at you and pushes back harder, "it's useless! once a goddess has spoken, her word will become reality! we learned that already, remember?" you ignore her and keep pushing back until she topples over, landing harshly on her backside. 

"ymir, they're just ants. it's what they do, they collect food." you reach down a hand and help her get up. "it was a worm, i'm sure it's better for him to be back in nature instead my stomach."

ymir just frowns, trying to conceal a laugh. you poke and prod at her shoulder, trying to get her to let out a small smile. if the elders knew that you had made ymir that upset, who knows what would've happened. she finally gives in, letting out a short giggle.

"i guess so..." she starts to brush off the dirt and grass that were stuck to her dress. "you know, i'm glad you're not a loser pushover like the other kids here." she huffs at seeing that the left over dirt on her hands had just made it worse. "i'm surprised you didn't let me sacrifice you, the other kids would've let me if i promised their family a blessing in return."

you look at her, eyes narrowed. "on a scale of 1 to 10, how upset were you about the worm?"

ymir gives you a wide grin, dimples appearing in the sides of her cheeks, freckles sinking in. "maybe a 1.5? now i know your limits, so i know what to do in secret when you're not around." she waves her hands in the air, dismissing your irritation. "there are other worms in the ground, nothing to cry over."

you scoff in disbelief. _'she's the last person to tell me not to cry over a worm,'_ she looks at you, a true sight. her previously pristine white dress is now marked with numerous stains. brown and green across her knees, sickly and unpleasant.

"you're one mean goddess," you mumble.

ymir mocks you by throwing her arms in the air, presenting herself like a show girl. "there may be other worms but never forget, there's only one me! savior of the eldians, lady ymir!"

\---

_winter_

"i bet you my desert that she's gonna fall," ymir's loud whispers don't go unnoticed by the girl's friend. he doesn't do anything though, how could he? as if anyone would hit ymir.

you giggle behind a gloved hand, watching as the girl does in fact fall. her previously graceful dance was interrupted by a bump in the ice, sending her spiraling down towards the ice. you stop laughing upon realizing what that means for you.

"wait. but i want my desert! this week it's pie..." you complain. ymir simply laughs and throws her arm around your shoulder.

"tough luck, buttercup! shouldn't have bet on something that you wouldn't win!" her eyes sparkle, reflecting the light from the snow.

"but i didn't agree-"

she slips her hand off of your shoulder and reaches down to grab a handful of snow. she slams her hand into your mouth, successfully shutting you up and giving you a mouthful of snow and dirt. your body freezes, your teeth starting to ache from how cold the snow is. it definitely doesn't help that you had just lost a tooth and the new one that was growing in was still sensitive.

if you were allowed or even knew how, you know for a fact that you would've hit her with a right hook. but you knew you'd get in trouble for even thinking of that, so improvisation was key.

a few minutes later and she had completely forgotten about what she had done, making her perfectly vulnerable. ymir's focus was too attached to the kids skating on the ice, her mouth slightly open in a small smile. you almost feel bad, but the you remember how bad your tooth hurt and any sympathy you had was gone.

"ymir, what happened to your hair? let me fix it," she doesn't say anything, just side steps so that she's closer to you. you reach down and scoop and handful of snow, holding it in a gloved hand. you pull on her hood and mess with her hair a bit, trying to make it seem like you were actually fixing her hair.

before you let her know you're done, you gently set the snow in her hood, praying she didn't feel the slight weight difference. it doesn't seem that she does as she starts to complain. "can you hurry up? i think it's our turn to use the skates next,"

you give her a small 'yes' before patting her shoulder to let her know you were done. she gives you a smile before walking over to the ice and slipping the skate bottoms onto her boots. one of the older kids has to help her after she can't get the straps tight enough.

ymir shakily stands up, waving her arms around to keep her balance. another girl helps you get your skates on and sends you onto the pond. you actively avoid the bump that the girl before you had tripped on and make your way next to ymir.

"you suck at skating," you state. she scowls at you and you can tell she's tempted to just knock you over. you prod on, ignoring her displeasure, "you should've brought a hat. your ears are gonna freeze off,"

ymir simply scoffs and reaches for the hood of her coat. "hey, genius. there's this pretty neat invention called a hood." she swiftly flips hers up, not feeling the snow yet. "i use mine when i don't have a-"

she pauses and you know what's happened. she starts wriggle around in a poor attempt to get the snow out of the back of her jacket. you try not to laugh, not wanting to seem suspicious. "ymir, what's wrong?"

she looks at you, a flame blazing in her eyes. "you know what's wrong! you did this to me!" 

to the other kids, it looked like ymir was doing a strange dance while yelling. she tried and failed to get the snow out of her shirt and that was when you started to feel bad.

"hey, come here." you ordered. she reluctantly skated over, still shaking her body to get rid of the snow. 

as you lift the back of her coat and start brushing off her shirt, you hear a small mutter from ymir.

"when we get back, you totally owe me your pie."


	4. ii

10

\---

_spring_

the birds are chirping over ymir's stark laughing. "i thought you said this was easy!" she said, mocking your poor attempt at a flower crown.

"well the girl in the book said so! she said you have to knot it..." you send ymir to grab more flowers. you almost have the technique down and this time the flower's head didn't break from the stem.

ymir runs and shakes your shoulders and the flower head falls off. "oh- sorry..." she mutters under her breath. you shake your head and sigh.

ymir drops the flowers in your lap and walks around to your front. she sits down in front of you, wiggling her toes. you grab a new flower and try to tie more around it. "i think you almost had it, so don't lose your head." ymir adds. she leans back on her elbows, looking up at the sky. 

the wind blew through her short hair and she huffs, reaching one of her hands to tuck it behind her ear. you look up at her through your eyelashes, laughing a bit. "maybe you should cut it?"

she looks at you, raising an eyebrow. "it's to my shoulders, how much shorter should i go?"

you look back down at your hands, noticing that you were starting to get the hang of the knotting technique. "well, didn't you used to have it to your chin? that'd look nice on you,"

ymir scoffs and crawls over to you, putting her face in front of yours. "then i'd look like a boy and boys _suck!_ " she emphasizes her last word and sticks out her tongue, too dramatic for her own good.

she looks down your hands and pokes at one of the flowers. "hey, this looks good. can i try it on?"

the chain is only a few flowers long, not nearly big enough to fit around her head. "i'm not sure that it'd fit you..." you start. ymir doesn't say anything, just leans back and swings her foot into your lap.

"make me an anklet, then. it'll still look nice,"

you tie off the end of the stem and wrap it around ymir's ankle. she giggles, the petals tickling her skin. your able to sloppily twist the stems together and secure the flower chain around her.

she stands up quickly, wanting to hear your opinion. "so? how does it look?" she's strutting around and the flowers around her ankle blend into the long grass of the field you're in.

"you're already pretty, but now you look like a real goddess!"

\---

_summer_

"leave her alone, you freak!" ymir is scolding a boy who'd been following the two of you around for the last couple days. "she doesn't want anything to do with you, run along!"

he hadn't been listening when you asked him to leave you alone, but leave it to ymir to abuse her power. she raises her arms above her head, wiggling her fingers around. "i'll give you bad fortune! and whatever you eat will turn into cockroaches once it's in your stomach and then when you go to the bathro-"

you punch her shoulder. "ymir! leave him alone..." you whispered in her general direction. the boy is already gone, most likely to ask the doctor to check his stomach.

"you know, you're not allowed to hit me. you could get executed if anyone knew you had just done that," ymir's eyebrows are raised and you're tempted to hit her again.

you wave her off and walk away, not waiting for her to follow you. "yeah, yeah. i'd rather be executed than have that kid tell on us because you gave him cockroaches." ymir laughs and you look over your shoulder. "besides, for me that punishment would be just as bad as death, maybe worse."

ymir catches up to you, laying a hand on your shoulder. she notices your shirt's strap had slipped, so she pulled it back on your shoulder. "yeah? like what? you have to clean the toilets for a month?"

"no," your voice is monotone and ymir looks at you alarmed. you slowly turn your head at her, a grin starting to appear. "i'd have to clean toilets for two months!" 

ymir laughs and walks ahead of you, dropping her towel along the way. you run and pick it up before any bugs crawl on it. "be careful, this is your last unstained towel..."

ymir rolls her eyes. "why was that kid following you anyway? he wasn't bothering you too bad...was he?" she's looking at you from the corner of her eyes, praying that you don't notice.

you sigh, pulling up the loose strap of your tank top. "i...i think he has a crush on me- he hasn't said anything, but he won't leave me alone and keeps giving me stupid gifts,"

ymir smirks at you, finding joy in your irritation. "gifts? heh, what kind of gifts?"

you look at her, moving your eyes to her shoulders to see how much darker her freckles have gotten over the summer. "well, he keeps giving me flowers. i just use them to make your flower crowns though...oh! and he gives me these chocolates, his uncle...i think his name was marvin... owns that bar in marley, so he gets a few from his uncle and gives them to me."

ymir cocks her head at you. "that's where you got it from? huh, it was pretty good...maybe you should lead him on to keep getting candies for us to share," she reaches out and fixes your tank top strap for you.

you look down at your sandals, admiring the small beads that ymir had threaded onto them. "i suppose...or you could just ask for them? you're ymir, if you want it, you can have it."

"well, duh. but that's not as fun, is it?" she huffs and starts to run to the edge of the lake. you roll your eyes and jog after her, not wanting to get left behind. 

ymir drops her shorts and pulls off her tank top, revealing her one-piece swimsuit. you do the same and wade into the water after her. "hey, is that new? the blue looks good on you," you note how it makes her tan skin stand out more.

ymir nods and swims further into the lake. "yeah, i 'lost' my other one." you furrow your brows, not understanding why she would purposely lose her old swimsuit. sensing your confusion, ymir explains. "i didn't really think the pink looked that great on me, so i got rid of it so i could get a new one."

you giggle at her antics. "that's so...ungoddess-like,"

ymir laughs and swims closer to you, grabbing your hand. her face is serious, water sparkling across her shoulders and neck. 

"do you trust me?" her voice is quiet, barely reaching your ears. 

you nod slowly, not understanding why ymir was being so serious all of a sudden.

next thing you know, you have water up your nose and in your eyes. you start to cough and before you can seriously drown, ymir hooks her hands under your arms and pulls you up.

you start coughing up water, wishing that you had stayed in the more shallow part of the lake where your feet could still reach the bottom of the lake. here, your stuck treading water as you hack up your lungs.

she slaps your back for you, waiting until you've coughed up all the water. she laughs, her eyelashes coated in water from all your splashing. she reaches her hands up to your cheeks and cups your face, using her thumbs to wipe the water off you face.

ymir leans in and hugs you, still laughing. 

"next time, say no."

\---

_fall_

"if you left, do you think they would notice?"

ymir sets her pen down on the edge of her paper. "what do you mean 'would they notice' ? of course they would-"

you wave your hands in front of you. "it's no big deal though, right? just for twenty minutes, then i'll bring you back!"

ymir shakes her head. "sorry, i really want to , but the elders were really strict about it today," ymir picks her pen back up and goes back to writing.

the room is silent, save for ymir's pen scratching against the paper. you sigh and walk behind her, resting your head on her shoulder trying to peek at her writing. her handwriting is slanted and looped, just like she was taught.

"what if we took a...ten minute break? and then we can come right back before anyone knows," you offer. you know you're desperate and probably sound pathetic, but anything is better than sitting here in silence for any longer. 

ymir sighs and leans back, her cheek brushing against yours. "hmmmm, i guess we could. but only for ten minutes, okay?"

you eagerly nod and pull ymir out of her chair, leading her to the small field behind the church. you start walking to a bunch of flowers that had started to grow.

"so i found these, right? but i don't know what they are..." ymir watches as you ramble on about the flowers, even going to crouch down and pick one so she could look at it. she notices how the lace on your shirt cuffs slightly ripples in the wind. 

"...i looked in one of those botany books that my dad has and i found the name," ymir notes how the smooth, vivid, purple petals look against your skin. now that fall has come, the sun sets earlier and earlier, the golden rays reflecting off of your skin making you almost glow.

"it's called _aster novae-angliae_ or a _michaelmas-daisy_! i'm thinking that if i dry some of them, i'll be able to use them in your flower crowns next summer," ymir absently nods, a small smile on her face.

you look up at her and stand up, brushing off your skirt. "well, we should head back now. i think it's been ten minutes already..." ymir nods yet again, starting to follow you to the chapel.

you suddenly stop walking, sticking your arm out in front of ymir. right in front of you is an elder, a sour look on her face. "well, look who we have here...we've been looking for you lady ymir,"

ymir worriedly looks over to you and you just give the elder a small smile. "yes, i convinced lady ymir to take a break."

you look back at the elder who has a tight smile. "well then, that sorted itself out rather quickly, yes? someone who pulls the lady from her tasks isn't the best influence and i'm sure you agree," you hesitantly nod. "i'm thinking that it might be better for lady ymir to be in the company of someone else for a while, i'm sure the others will agree."

ymir steps in front of your arm. "hey! i can pick who my aide is and i want her!"

the elder looks down at ymir, a smile plastered on her face. "lady ymir, i understand that you might be upset, but it's for the best. we'll talk about this later." the elder looks at you with an icy glare. "you're aide is dismissed, i'll watch you for the rest of today and then we'll find someone else for you."

"no! she's the one for me, i want her as my aide!" 

you give ymir a small smile. "hey, it's okay. we can still do stuff together outside of being your aide, yeah?" ymir gives you a small nod. you pat her shoulder and let out a small laugh. "so don't worry about it, just go with her and then you'll get a new aide."

the elder leans down and pats your shoulder. "yes, lady ymir. your friend here is...correct." ymir gives you a small hug before walking away into the church, leaving you and the elder alone outside. 

the elder looks at you with a scowl on her face. 

"if you want what's best for her, you _will_ leave her alone, regardless if you're her aide or not."

\---

_winter_

you hear something pelting outside of your bedroom window. getting off of your bed, you see ymir standing next to your window, bundled up in a light yellow jacket and matching hat. her hands are tucked in her pocket as she mouths something to you from outside.

_'come out here'_

you nod at her, running to your small dresser to pull on a thicker sweater and a hat. you sneak out of your room, not wanting to alert your parents that you're leaving the house. 

once you get next to ymir, she runs to you giving you a big squeeze. "ah, i missed you! my new aide is _so_ boring, all she does is talk about her boyfriend." ymir rolls her eyes. "i was able to sneak away for a bit, she won't notice for probably an hour."

you look down, still feeling guilty that you caused ymir to get a new aide. she looks at you and pokes your cheek with a cold finger. "hey, don't blame yourself, okay? i'm thinking that if i complain enough, they might bring you back, so hang in there."

you slowly nod before ymir sighs, steam emitting from her mouth. "we should do something while i'm out, ever since you've been grounded i've had to entertain myself..."

you think for a bit, trying to figure out an activity to do with her. "what if...we go sledding? i think they leave the sleds in the garden shed in the main grounds,"

ymir looks up at you with a huge grin. "that's a good idea! if we get caught, no one will know it's us from far away!"

you nod and follow ymir as she leads you to the main grounds, making sure to keep your heads down whenever someone else walks by. when you finally arrive at the shed, ymir stops and looks at you, a delighted look on her face. 

"i really missed hanging out with you,"

you nod and follow her inside of the shed. you speak under your breath, hoping ymir didn't hear your response.

"...me too."


	5. iii

12

\---

_spring_

"he's in a better place now," ymir's words bring you no comfort as you look at his grave. your mother stands off to the side, her hands trembling and her lips chapped. she doesn't cry, sniffle, or speak through the whole service. only talking to say 'excuse me' when she brushes past someone.

he had been sick for less than a week, a tyrant fever that ravaged his body to the point that you didn't even recognize him when you saw him last. his face was pale and sweaty, yet he was cold to the touch.

ymir grabs your hand, leading you to the chapel and into her bedroom on the top floor. everything was white. her sheets, the flooring, the walls, her desks, even the covers of her books had been painted white.

it was nauseating and it burned your sensitive eyes, still reeling from all the crying. ymir sets you on her bed and throws a stuffed animal at you. it was a white rabbit (no surprise there) and it's pink nose was the only color in the room besides your black dress.

she sits next to you and hugs you, rubbing your back. "it's okay to cry, you know. just because your mom didn't, doesn't mean that you can't."

you nod and feel your eyes well up with tears. you spend the night in ymir's room, crying the whole time with her right next to you.

when ymir walks you home the next day, your mom doesn't answer the door. you look back at ymir who has a frown on her face. you knock again, still not getting an answer.

when you try to open the door, it's locked, so you know that your mom had gotten home okay the day before. "i didn't think she'd be mad enough to not let me in...should we try the back?" you offer.

ymir only nods before running to the back of your house before coming back less than a minute later. she shakes her head. "the back is locked too, but i think i saw her through one of the windows, she's asleep."

you sigh and sit down at the door step, holding your head in you hands. "it's around 11, right? that means it's almost lunch time, so she'll wake up soon." your voice is tired and ymir can tell that you're frustrated with being locked out.

she sits next to you and waits the whole 8 hours that you were locked out of your house. it was a little past 7pm when your mother woke up, opening the door after the two of you had knocked yet again.

she smelt like alcohol and her hair was mussed up, which made sense as she had been sleeping the whole day. "what? didn't you try your key?" she grumbles out. her voice is rough and she has puffy bags under her eyes.

you look at her, furrowing your brow. "i don't even have a house key, mom. you always let me in, so you guys said i didn't need one," your voice is sharp and your mother sighs.

she sees that ymir is sitting next to you and her eyes widen. "lady ymir! what are you doing here?"

ymir stands up, brushing off her dress. "i just wanted to walk her home, no big deal." she starts to walk back to the chapel, the edge of her dress swishing around her calves. she turns her head back and waves before she blends into the darkness.

you wave back and walk into the house, going straight to your room. that night, you cry yourself to sleep, not hearing your mother's sobs over your own sniffling.

\----

_summer_

"the moon? it's really far away though, not like you could jump up." you say. you're skimming through some magazine that you found in the girls.

ymir looks up at you from her books, rolling her eyes. "well, who would've thought? i'm saying that someday they'll be able to go to the moon and if i'm still alive, i want to go." she stuffs her mouth with a handful of popcorn and looks back down at her book.

you turn the page of the magazine, looking at the clothes the girls were wearing. "but i guess it would be pretty cool...seeing all the stars and stuff," you take a piece of popcorn, wincing when you realized that it had too much salt. "how can you eat this? it _burns-_ "

ymir shrugs, taking more popcorn. "i don't know, i guess i just chew and swallow?" you throw your magazine at her, ymir narrowly dodging getting hit. "but to address what you were saying before, yes. it would be cool to see the stars up close,"

she reaches behind her to grab your magazine and hands it to you. "that why i want to go. if i can, i'll bring some stars back for you!"

you look at her, frowning. "ymir...i think that stars are like the sun. literal balls of fire-"

"but i'm a goddess, so i'm the exception. do you really think that some stars are gonna kill me?" she questions. she seems to be entirely serious, not a smile in sight.

you sigh before taking a piece of popcorn, humming when that piece is slightly less salty. "okay then, ymir. if you do go to the moon, bring back some stars."

she smiles, a soft one that reaches her eyes. "like i said, i was already planning to."

\---

_fall_

"he's so dreamy, isn't he?"

"oh, totally. have you seen him swimming at the lake?"

"yeah, i have! his hair was wet and everything...what i'd give to see that again,"

you sigh, bored of the conversation at hand. ymir was busy writing prayers and after last time, you weren't going to break her out of her prison again. you were stuck hanging out with the older girls, all of them at least 15.

"what about you? have you ever had a crush before?" one of the girls asks you. you just stare at her before looking down at your hands.

"what does a crush even feel like? i would just think that they're...cute, right?" you slowly question. one of the girls covers her mouth with her hands, covering a small smirk.

"well, yeah. i guess so." she says, flipping her hair behind her shoulder. "but you act like you've never had one- unless you haven't?"

you shake your head and chew on your thumb. "who would i have a crush on? all i do is hang out with ymir."

she raised her eyebrows, looking at each of her friends. "well you don't like her, right? that's not...no."

you look at her, trying to hide your confusion. "what do you mean? would i not be allowed to be with her if we like each other?"

the girl covers her mouth in a small chuckle and looks at you. "if you don't like her then it's no problem. but if you do?" she interlocks her fingers together, holding them in front of her chest.

"i recommend that you start praying."

\---

_winter_

you can hear her dry heaving into the toilet and you can smell it before you walk into the bathroom.

"mom, dinner ends soon. we have to hurry before the cafeteria closes,"

she looks back at you over her shoulder, her face ashen and with dark circles underneath her eyes. "get out. leave me the hell alone," her voice is cracked, probably because of how much she'd been drinking and throwing up lately.

you look at what's by her side and hold in a gasp when you see it. a bottle of the altar wine, only to be drunken during special services. you reach down and snatch the bottle from beside her, starting to leave the bathroom.

your mother's eyes widen and she reaches up to you, crawling out of the bathroom behind you. "no! give that back- stop!" her words are slurred and you can tell she's still drunk, even after she had thrown up.

you turn around and hold the bottle of wine above your head, looking down at her. "no, stop! what if they found out? we'd both get in so much trouble and they'd make us leave!"

it's an odd feeling to be scolding your mother, but it's become more frequent in the months since your father's death. "i'm not going to let you ruin this! where are we gonna go after they kick us out? you can't get a job like this!"

your mother just scowls at you, standing up on wobbly legs. "i am your _mother_ , you will not speak to me like that."

"no, because if you were really a mother you would take time to realize what you're doing." you start walking off to the front door and pour the wine in the grass next to the door step.

you hear it before you feel it.

the wine bottle shattering and the soft 'squelch' of the glass making it's way into your upper thigh. you hear your own scream before you even realize it's _you_ that's howling like that.

then you feel the smaller pieces of glass crunching into your upper thigh and side. how it feels like needles pricking your skin and how you think some might have cut your face too, but you're too scared to speak.

your mother's body is on top of yours and she's practically crushing you. "you ruined it! you ruined it, you ruined it, you ruined it!" her loud yells eventually turn to sobs and she nestles her face into your stomach.

"these fucking kids and these fucking diseases...they ruin everything,"

you stay like that for what feels like hours, your leg cut open and your mother sobbing on top of you. starting to feel lightheaded, you feel your eyes close and you see black.

\--

when you wake up in your own bed the next morning, the first thing you do is check your leg. it's bandaged up and there's small spots of light pink bleeding through the cotton, like small rosebuds.

it's quiet, quieter than it is any morning. normally your mother is clanging things around, looking for some alcohol she had left to ferment in the corner of her bed room.

you look up at the ceiling and assume that your mother was still sleeping after last night. _'did she carry me to the doctor...?'_

you sigh and turn onto your side, noticing a note on your bedside table. you pick it up, expecting doctor's orders to stay in bed. your eyes widen once you read through it and you set it back down, turn to your other side and close your eyes.

\--

_they made me leave but you'll be allowed to stay. i hope that you heal up okay and i love you. i wish to see you again someday._

_with love, mom_

A/N:  
as someone who has had family members that have suffered from alcohol abuse, i can honestly say it's one of the most heartbreaking things to see that sometimes they won't accept help. if you or someone you love is suffering from substance abuse, one US number that you can call is **1-800-HELP (4357)**


	6. iv

13

\---

_spring_

**"you'd better start praying"**

the girls words had been in your head for half a year now, a broken record that wouldn't stop playing. you were losing sleep, avoiding meals, even occasionally avoiding ymir.

if you really did like her, would there even be a point in acting on your feelings? she wouldn't feel the same and you'd end up in hell anyway, so why try?

"hey...! hello?" you slowly look up, your face ashen and pale at the sight of her. ymir puts her hands on her hips and leans down at you, a sneer on her face. "are you even listening to me? do you feel okay?"

you nod at her and stand up, looking anywhere but at her. "i think i'm going to head home..." you look down at your feet and dryly swallow. "i'm not feeling too good,"

ymir tilts her head at you, concern painted over her face. "do you want me to walk with you? i don't want you to pass out or anything,"

you just shake your head and speed walk off, leaving her behind. you don't slow your speed even after you're out of her sight, too caught up in your own thoughts to pay attention to your surroundings.

'they'd make me leave the compound. i would be homeless...i'd have to go to marley, wouldn't i? i don't know anything about them...but i'm not eldian, so would i be okay?'

you open your front door and walk through your house into your room, not wanting to stop and look at the empty rooms throughout your house.

you kneel at the end of your bed and fold your hands, holding them in front of your stomach. that night, you prayed for three hours and when you finally stood up, there were marks in the carpet from where your knees were.

\---

_summer_

it's a quick walk to lake, even quicker now that your legs have gotten longer. ymir's walking ahead of you like always and you're trailing behind her, making sure that her towel isn't dragging across the ground.

you wished that your hands were doing others things, like holding hers.

"i'm glad that you've decided to swim with me today! it was getting pretty boring on my own,"

you let out a small laugh and run up next to her. "well i don't be think i'll be swimming today...but i don't mind waiting on the shore,"

ymir looks over at you and snorts. "don't be silly, you're swimming. i said so," she snatches her towel from you and plops it on the shore of the lake, sand getting in it. "come on, i don't want to wait forever. we can just share a towel or something,"

you cross your arms and shake your head, reaching for her discarded towel. "i don't even have my bathing suit, what do you want me to swim in?"

ymir reaches for your shoulder and snaps your strap. "you're such a bad liar, you're wearing it right now. just swim with me for at least one minute?"

you look down and shake your head, realizing what it meant to swim with ymir. you had been planning on going for a swim after she had left, at this point in summer it was too hot not to. if you were that close to her while she was practically half naked, how would you act?

you could barely sit next to her in a field and you'd barely kept it together when you were walking with her just a few minutes ago.

as ymir started to pull her dress over her head, there was just one thing going through your head.

_'she's gonna know'_

as ymir waited for you to strip down to your swimsuit, impatiently tapping her foot, there was just one thing going through your head.

_'she'll hate me if she finds out'_

as you followed her into the lake, slowly stepping in so you don't get chilled to the bone, there was just one thing going through your head.

_'she looks really pretty in her swimsuit'_

and as ymir places her hands on her hips, yelling at you to hurry up, there's one thing going through your head.

_'i think i want to kiss her'_

\---

_fall_

you wipe your hands on the edge of your sweater, trying to find a way to pass the time as he gets his shit together. he nervously chuckles, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear.

"i'm sorry...i'm kinda nervous," he looks away, fiddling with his hands.

you shrug and look over your own shoulder, silently gagging. _'the hell was i thinking? i can barely remember his name...'_

you look at him again feeling your face contort in disgust as you realize he was already staring at you. you roll your eyes and sigh, standing up from the tree trunk. "look...caleb. unless you have something to tell me, i'm going to leave."

he stands up with you, grabbing your hand. "no, wait! i just..."

"spit it out. i don't wanna be here longer than i have to,"

"i really like you!" he squeezes your hand and you scoff at him, pulling your hand away. "ever since we were 10, i really do! honest!"

you stare at him as he wrings his hands, eyebrows raised. "why are you so nervous then? you act like i'm going to hit you or something."

he shakes his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "i just wanted to impress you! and i...i heard that you liked ymir." you take a step back, shaking your head. "that you had a...crush on her."

"...what?" you're breathless, feeling your voice crack at the word. "no. who- who...who said that? i don't. n-no..."

caleb takes a step closer to you, looking down at you. "then let's go out. i'm free tomorrow." he holds out his hand and you mentally recoil at the thought of holding it. "if you don't like her, it's no issue, right?"

you slowly nod and take his hand. caleb walks you home that day.

-

"we never do anything fun, caleb. it's boring," you cross your arms and lean against the table. he took you to the cafeteria, expecting you to occupy yourself as he talks to his friends. 

he turns his head at you, waving you off. "then go do something?" he looks around the table at his friends, raising his eyebrows as if you were crazy. "why do you think i hang out with my friends instead of you?"

your eyes widen and you straighten you back, leaning into his face. "the hell did you say to me?" you pull on his ear, dragging his face down next to yours. "repeat it, caleb."

he rolls his eyes, trying to hide his fear with a nonchalant laugh. "calm down, babe. you heard me,"

you pull on the collar of his shirt and pull him into the corner of the cafeteria, ignoring the glares his friends sent your way. "you wanna try again? i have _very_ little patience."

he looks down and leans in closer to your face. "don't get all upset, babe. that's just how i am in front of the guys, you know that." he leans in for a kiss, puckering his lips. 

_'oh my- is he serious?'_ you place your hand over his mouth and push his face away. "no, because that's how you were acting in front of me." you roll your eyes and start to walk away, wiping your hand on caleb's shoulder.

"you're kinda misogynistic, caleb. make sure you tell your friends that your ex-girlfriend is going to hang out with her friend,"

\---

_winter_

it's cold when she wakes up, but her heart warms her up when she notices you waiting for her outside of the temple. slipping on her all white apparel, ymir steps out of her bedroom, running to you.

her heart bursts when you open your arms, giving her a one-sided hug before you step away, your eyes awkwardly shifting between her face and the ground. she can't help but keep her eyes on you as the two of you walk to the shed to pick a sled for the day.

the way you had been acting both scared her and made her excited. if you were so nervous around her, did you not want to spend time with her? if you were so nervous around her, did you maybe like her? 

ymir knew that you had broken up with that worm named caleb, she wasn't able to quit smiling the whole week after she had found out. if you had broken up with him, did that mean that you had feelings for someone else? hopefully it was her.

she had known for a long time that she preferred girls over boys. boys were gross, not elegant by any means, and definitely not as pretty. but you were gentle, pretty, and funny, traits that not a single boy on the compound had.

but it must've been in the summer when she realized that _you_ were the girl that she preferred, the girl that made her face heat up and made her want to run in circles. and when she had heard that you had left caleb, her feelings grew ten times more.

she really liked you, from the bottom of her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when the mc broke up with caleb, it was heavily based on the time my friend broke up with her first boyfriend and i was the unlucky bystander :D  
> i still remember her straight up saying "you're misogynistic and you wear axe. let's be honest, it was never going to work out"


	7. v

14

\---

_spring_

"so i'm thinking that if i do violets, then i'll leave out the lavender for this one." you're looking down at your lap, the sun creating a delicate haze around your soft features. "does that sound good, ymir?"

she's staring at you, honey eyes burning holes into your face. it's hard for you to ignore how your face heats up, especially when she's looking at you like that. she runs a finger over her rosy lips and you swear you see her lean in just a bit before she answers you.

"whatever you want. if you like it, i love it."

you nod and look back at your hands, feeling them slightly tremble as she stared at you. of course, you didn't know that she was just as nervous as you, her heart pounding out of her chest every time your soft voice graced her ears.

your words felt like honey and tea and she was definitely sick to be feeling this way about her best friend, so ymir felt no guilt in just listening to you mumble to yourself.

"that's such an odd saying, isn't it?" you chuckle, not noticing the slight flush on her cheeks. "i've never understood why people say that,"

ymir absentmindedly nods, too focused on the way that your lips are slightly parted in concentration, how your dress fits you so nicely, the way you strung new beads on your sandals in the exact way she did a few years prior.

"you look really pretty today," she mumbles out, twirling a piece of grass around her finger. she looks at her finger, not wanting to see the look on your face because if she did she'd just want to grab your face and kiss you.

you look up at her, your eyes wide.

"thanks...you're really pretty too."

\---

_summer_

you run a hand down your face, leaning your head back. "kissing? nah," your nimble fingers fiddle with the hem of your nightshirt, eyes darting everywhere except for her exposed midriff. "he was gross...and he always wanted to impress his friends. he probably had a crush on one of them or something,"

ymir snorts and leans up, her shirt falling to cover her stomach. "what does that mean for us then? you impress me all of the time,"

your face heats up and you look down at your hands, clenching them. "well, yeah..." your eyes widen when you realize what she had just said. "i impress you? with what?"

"your flower wreaths...i don't think i've ever met someone who could make them before, so you impress me."

your lips curve into a small smile as you rest your head in your hand. "then that would mean i like you, wouldn't it?" ymir looks over at you, upturned eyes digging into your own. "at least that's what it means if i follow my own logic,"

"heh...you like me?" she runs a hand through her hair, twisting the ends with her finger. "don't joke about stuff like that or i'll kiss you," her heart rate quickens as she realizes what she said to you, tongue feeling numb in her mouth.

you smirk at her, hoping your tough front would hide the way you could hear your heart beating in your ears. "if you kiss me then i'll have to kiss back, yeah?" you clench your hands and feel your nails slightly dig into your palms."i wouldn't stop you,"

her eyes widen and she drops her hand from her hair. you swallow harshly as she crawls over to lean right in your face. her warm breath fans across your lips, her eyes staring straight to yours and you can almost taste the raspberries that she had eaten with desert earlier. you feel yourself slowly move in, imagining how sweet she would taste and how soft her lips would feel against yours.

"yeah, right. you mess around too much," ymir scoots back, picking at her thumbnail as if nothing had ever happened.

your eyes widen and you lean backward, softly pressing your fingers to your lips. you scoff under your breath, feeling yourself start to get irritated.

"i wasn't messing around..." you breathe out, almost too quiet for ymir to hear. "how obvious can i get?"

\---

_fall_

"that's, right! just like that!" the elder claps her hands in glee as ymir does the ritual for the umpteenth time. it's simple, just light the three candles and then bow at them, but not too fast or too slowly. she truly doesn't understand why it's such a big deal.

 _'i wonder what she's doing right now...'_ ymir's thoughts are filled with you and only you. what were you doing? had you eaten today? did you sleep well the night before?

she would say she was obsessed, but being honest with herself was never her best quality. the elder grabs ymir by the shoulders and leads her to her bedroom. "i'm sure you must be tired after all of the training you've done today, lady ymir. please, rest."

before she can object, ymir is pushed into her room and the door is closed behind her. almost instantaneously her thoughts are plagued with you yet again, thinking back to the sleepover.

 _'was she serious? i'll kiss her next time! for sure!'_ she nods her head to herself, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. everything in her room is still white and she didn't care enough to ask the elders to let her repaint it. they would say no either way.

ymir rolls her eyes as she thinks back to what she was told.

\---

_"your room is white for a reason, lady ymir." the elder straightens ymir's sleeves before patting her shoulder. "you're pure, and what better way to show it than the room you live in?"_

\---

ymir scoffs to herself before laying back on her bed. "yeah, right." she says out loud. " _pure_...i'm in love with a girl!"

she starts to laugh at her words, small tears leaking out of her eyes. those tears eventually turn to sniffles to sobs, her body heaving as she cries. _'how could i do that to her? to them?'_ she sits up and wipes at her face, the tears falling faster than she could catch them.

"some goddess i am...what's wrong with me?"

\---

_winter_

it's a tricky dance, fitting someone for a dress. and it's even harder when you just learned how to sew and you don't own a sewing machine.

"stand still or you'll get pricked!" you hiss out, pulling a pin from between your teeth. you gather the fabric around her hips and pin it, making sure it's a comfortable fit. while you'd normally be a flustered, sweating mess at the thought of touching ymir's body, you don't have any choice but to push through it.

"i am standing still. you're being overdramatic." she laughs when you swat her leg in response.

"i'm being serious, ymir."

she juts out her hip as your reach up to her chest, holding the fabric with one hand as your other pins the seam. gentle hands smooth out the fabric and even gentler hands grab your wrists, stilling them. "it's fine. and if it's ugly i would still wear it."

you roll your eyes and pull your wrists away from her, knowing that you'll keep thinking of how soft her hands were. "well that's a big confidence booster... and besides, it takes way less effort for you to just listen to what i say."

ymir giggles at you, grabbing your hands again. you're about to lightly poke her with a pin before you see the way she's staring at you, eyes wide. "no, i'm being serious. as far as i'm concerned, if you made it then it's perfect."

as you pull your hands again, you look down at her feet, noticing an uneven hem. "yeah, yeah. everything i do is perfect as if that's new to either of us." you kneel and pin the hem, stepping back to see how her dress looked.

letting out a low whistle, you take her appearance in. "huh. i guess i am pretty perfect," the dress fit her nicely and looked like the kind the girls wore in the magazines you read.

ymir rolls her eyes and nudges your shoulder. "well yeah. i told you and i'm always right." she straightens out the waistline of the dress.

"you can stop staring at me like that, perv. if you want a piece, then just ask."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter was a little weird, but oh well.
> 
> I wanted to say thank you to all of those who read, bookmark, and give kudos (or if you do all three, I appreciate it a lot) Your comments really motivate me to write when I feel writer's block!


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